8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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