I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
