We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
