We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize