I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
