dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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