Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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