I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize