pedialite and red bull = repair kit
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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