Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
