had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
