It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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