my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
