At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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