After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize