someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
