Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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