some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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