so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
