i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
