I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
