He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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