He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Panties = found
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
