I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
