Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
