before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
