now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
