I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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