I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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