youre lurking in front of me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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