If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
