I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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