were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
