i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
this will be a night to untag.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
