he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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