tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
