So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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