just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
