I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
