i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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