I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize