these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
