Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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