Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
