u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
