take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
