then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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