i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize