Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
