Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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