I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize