What did we do last night that was yellow?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
