If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
