At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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