I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
