Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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