$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
