I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
