my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
