it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
