Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
