Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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