those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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