I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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