making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
