Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
